Thursday, March 10, 2011

Motherhood (and a lot of run on sentences)

My niece posted an article the other day on Facebook and wrote how appalled she is by this mother.  Apparently this lady decided that motherhood wasn't really her cup of tea and after being a mom for 5 years she realized that she just wanted to be a part-time mom.  She couldn't hack it full time, so she divorced her husband and let him have full custody.  Chrissie's take on it is - too late lady, you already have kids, suck it up and do what you are supposed to do for them!  And I totally see that point.  However, and hopefully you won't judge me for this, I see the mom's point too.  To quote the mom in question "I had this idea that motherhood was this really all-encompassing thing, I was afraid of being swallowed up by that." That makes sense to me.  It's my opinion (although the article doesn't say) that there must have been problems in her marriage too.  And if she's not happy in her marriage AND she feels this HUGE weight of motherhood on her as well, well I guess I can't really judge her for deciding that maybe she wasn't cut out for it... and that if she wasn't cut out for it to let the father try it full time instead of making everyone suffer.  She does say that as a 'part-time mom' she could be the 'perfect mother' that she thought she was supposed to be.  What that makes me wonder is whether she just had the wrong idea of what motherhood was supposed to be.  If she was really striving for perfect, it's sad but is it any wonder she thought it would just be easier to give up? 

So... on to today a friend of mine posted this video...

While hilarious, it may seem a tad off topic... but stay with me here... 

There's a mom from Izzy's soccer games who is exactly like this blond lady here.  She's not quite back in her 'size 0 jeans yet' and it's 'just driving her crazy because of the hundreds of dollars worth of jeans' she has just sitting there waiting for her.  They co-sleep with their baby and she's constantly telling me about the freezer full of breast milk she has stored up.  A couple of weeks ago she asked if Miles was crawling yet and I said almost.  Well, her kids all crawled at exactly 6 months and walked at 9.  They were perfect crawlers and talkers and walkers and eaters and sleepers and GOOD GOD I must be doing something wrong, maybe Miles should just go live with her and her perfect family and her perfect boobs and then he'll really be happy. 

My point is somewhere... I seem to have lost it in my anger. 

Oh yes, while moms like that can really get you down... the more I thought about her the more I realized that being a perfect mom just isn't for me.  Hopefully this mother from the soccer games can keep all that perfection up (although I wish she'd shut up about it, motherhood is NOT a competition).  But for me, I'm just going to keep striving for balance in my life.  Breastfeeding was wonderful for us for a while, until it wasn't working any more.  Now we do formula and I can't tell you how I relish my new-found freedom.  I don't think that makes me a bad mom.  It just makes me human.  Miles co-slept with us for almost 2 weeks.  Until we realized that he was too light of a sleeper and we were waking him up (plus my back and neck were just killing me) so now he is perfectly happy in his crib.  We did what worked for us for as long as it worked, but the thing is -- everyone is different!

And on another touchy subject -- Miles LOVES Backyardagains.  Some moms refuse to let their kids watch TV, but I can't imagine my life without it.  I have no clue how I'd take a shower, eat lunch, wash his bottles and his clothes, and yes... even check Facebook without it.  And I do a lot of that when he's napping or playing, but it's impossible to do it all without a little help from Pablo, Uniqua, Tyrone, Tasha and Austin.  And thankfully I have a husband who understands and supports me completely.  Today, every time he called (once in the morning and once in the afternoon) the TV was on.  Immediately I felt the need to tell him that the TV was not on all day, it just happened to be on the two times he called.  And just as quickly he told me that he wasn't going to judge!  He told me -- "I know how much you do and how much work it is being at a baby's beck-and-call, if you needed to have the TV on all day I would never judge you for it." 

And hopefully here's where it all comes together -- if I have realistic goals for being a mom, if I'm not too hard on myself when Miles doesn't have a bath every day and some days he watches more TV than he really should or if decide to go back to work (something I've been thinking about a lot lately, a little because Miles is bored at home with me all day and a little because I'm bored at home with HIM all day) and if my husband supports me in all of that-- I won't ever feel overwhelmed about being a mom.  I won't ever feel the need to run away.  And I don't even feel the need to compete with Soccer Mom.  I'm perfectly happy being the best mom that I can be!  And while that's probably not exactly new to a lot of you old pro-moms out there... at least you had an excuse to watch that hilarious youtube video!  :) 

Something tells me he doesn't mind having me for a mom!


  1. I think you have a fabulous perspective and I'm proud of you for already figuring this out! It's really about getting comfortable in your own skin as a mom and finding your own way. You'll never be able to escape the overly critical "super-moms" out there, but at least you can brush it off :)

  2. Well said, my friend, I couldn't agree with you more! I hate that us moms feel the need to compete with each other, compare ourselves (and our children) to others and generally feel guilty about so many decisions we make when really, the only thing that matters is doing what is right for us and our families. Whatever you decide, be it about giving up nursing or heading back to work, be confident knowing you made the best decision for yourself in your unique situation.